taste the freedom

FINALLY exams are over :) haven't been online for quite a bit. There were some random interesting stuff in school but I forgot about them :(

Exams were overall okay. Except for addmaths, which was the suck. Seriously. And and and Chemistry. I really hope I don't fail anything. Today right after History exam, our teacher gave us the answers and I only scored 30 upon 40. And I'm pretty sure I didn't really do well for the second paper. Hmm. And surprisingly, only 5 of us scored above 30, highest is 34, I think. Well, this is where you can say "Serves you right, Anis," cuz I've been wasting my time being emo. Or just plainly lazy. Nothing much to say now, not really in the mood. So umm ciaoooo.

Moving On

I don't even care if you're reading this. Cuz I don't think you care enough to care to read my blog anymore. Anyway, yesterday me and Trester were chatting. Then she called me then I called her and we were talking. And I feel a whole lot better now, like a supermassive burden has been lifted off of my chest, that used to make breathing harder. Yes, it was that bad. My girlfriends have been understanding and sweet and listened to my crapping while me being so down and emo, but it was really nice to have someone who can relate to me to talk about it. Trester Kaur, I officially love you :)

And YOU, you are such a big jerk, did you know that? All I expect is an explanation. Like that is so hard. Okay, maybe you are not a jerk. You just think what you're doing is the right thing to do. I'll let you know that it's not. Really. Please. Just say something.

Physics and Accounts tomorrow. Yay.

wee

Am at Open House 3: Attack of The Famished Zombies.

No, seriously.

Nothing to say.

Except that I am crushed.

Bye.

My momma told me not to, but I wouldn't listen.

Meera was all sweet, texting to ask me if everything is okay. Cuz she said I was quiet in school. I was touched :') We weren't exactly on good terms. There was like a break between us. We didn't fight or anything but we sort of went our own ways. But now we're okay. And well, her texting me to ask that was just so aww<3 It's nice and comforting to know I have my friends to back me up through times like these :)

I love them. And I hate myself. Someone, slap me please!

And Now, Class...

So yesterday we went to OU, but I didn't buy anything cuz not enough time :(

Woke up hearing my mother say "Sha, sha, bangun. Dah pukul enam,". I was like, what, why must I get up so early(in my head obviously)? My mum left the room and I tossed and turned some more. Then she came in again and she was like,"Sha, Nor, bangun cepat,". Then only did it hit me.

It was a school day

=.=

Then I had breakfast, which consisted of two pieces of Gardenia's Butterscotch bread thingy (deelish tho) and my mum's teh susu. When I got to school feeling so sleepy, and continued feeling that way, pretty much the rest of the day. First of all was English and I was like yawnyawn do we really have to do this? I mean, dude it's English. Then there was like this comic strip in one of the exercises we did which was about backbiting.

Puan Int: I know that this is happening among St. Marians. You talk bad things about the teachers behind their backs, don't you?

4Sc3: *uncomfortable silence*

I was like, lady, you are so talking about yourself there. Now, of course I didn't say that out loud. And OOPS look, now I'm backbiting at you again :p And when some of the kids at the back started talking, she was like "Why are you talking at the back? You are missing out the excitement in the front," to which Fariza and I laughed madly. Seriously, fun? It doesn't even exist in her dictionary. And get this: she even said something about how we students expect all our lessons to be fun and exciting. To which Mei Fen said something like, "Of course, we are kids of the new era. We are more vocal and we want our lessons to be fun. When they aren't, then we'll voice it out." Go, Mei Fen! :D

Maths was nothing. Some of us slept, some studied and some were talking. Then recess time, yay! Cuz FINALLY after bout two weeks, the Chinese stall is now open. Throughout the period of it being closed, I was totally clueless as of what to eat, lol. And today I finally got to eat my mihun sup with wantan x) Then after recess was Biology, which was not too boring. Although I did feel like sleeping, I didnt' cuz Biology is always fun with Puan Raja :) And it was funny how we all found medulla oblongata (or rather,how it is pronounced) funny. Mei Fen said medulla oblonggatal then Puan Raja was like ya la, you all so gatal :D And I left my Bio book at school. Pfft.

"Now I'm speechless,"

Anis L

emosplurge

Yes, I changed my layout again. I know it's not any prettier but I just felt like it :)

Been trying very hard to keep my mind off things that I really shouldn't be thinking about. I don't care if you're reading this, and if this makes me sound extremely shallow and stupid, but

I miss you :(


So, maybe I did get carried away, but what we have is better than nothing. Or had? I don't know. You tell me.

Happy Birthday Ameera

Ameera Syakila's birthday is today! Since you deleted your account, I don't have any pics of you to put here :) But anyway,

Happy Birthday Hunn
:)

we're so cool

stupid title :)

I am still at my aunt's house, slept over and now it's The Morning After. We went home, showered, changed into PJs then came back here. And yeahh. So basically what we did was eat eat and eat. And camwhored liek whoa :D

Picspam at my Facebook yaww

:)

return of the hungry people

Today we're going to Aunty Aza's house again. According to Mia, it is Open House 2: Return of The Hungry people. Hahaha. Still feeling teh very crappy. Yay.

eat this

Am not going to Meera's house :( BOOOOOOO. *sighs* My mum said that her house is too far away. It's just in KD, woman, and I've been there before. Anyway, got invited to Aunty Aza's open house and maybe so as to not have me bite her head off, my mum allowed me to go to that one. Better than nothing, right? Oh, well.

And yesterday, we went to SM and met up with Aunty Naili, Nureen, Syahmi and Iman and ate at KFC. So, apparently, my mum had the nagging feeling of meeting up with Aunty Naili because she is going for the Hajr this year, next week in fact. We were neighbours, before we moved. And uhh, before that we went to Parkson and I ran into my primary school teacher which was GAH cuz he is like psycho. He had like a grudge against me, cuz my mum was the type who complains if there's anything she disagrees to. Mainly it's because he uses violence against children. He seriously slaps kids and everything. I know that maybe some people will say that kids these days are too pampered and soft, but really, what he does is too much. Once, he sprayed this kid using the fire hydrant then forced the kid to go dry out in the sun. Like WTF? And because my mum voiced out her disagreement over the matter, and he teaches me BM, he NEVER gave me the best marks for my BM essays. Which is totally carp cuz I write obviously better than my friend who always got the highest in class for BM. When I was in Standard Six, and a different teacher taught us only could I get back on top. From what I gather, he is like that cuz his kid is sick. Yes, I'm sympathetic about your child but that is no reason to go hitting other people's kids for no good reason. Mkay?

And then, yeah me and Syahmi were talking bout stuff. It's nice that he could initiate a conversation, cuz I was never one to start. And little Iman doesn't remember me. Cuz yeah, we've only seen each other a few times since she was born. She was born after we moved, I think. But she said I was pretty and I was like awww I'm flattered, hahah :D Please to be ignoring the self-centered betch yeah?

And I totally failed at eating healthy. I had Oreo and milk for LUNCH (wtf right) and then KFC's Toasted Twister for dinner. I have absolutely no appetite to eat. But I forced myself to anyway.

Spent the past week emoing. Yeah, I'm pretty bummed. Usually, I would be crying but I can't. It feels stuck in my chest and it doesn't want to come out :( And I pray to God so as to give me the strength to face this. I am weaker than what I try to pull off. Emee said that I think too much. I think so too, but I can't help it. Thanks to Emee, for always being there for me <3 data-blogger-escaped-:="" data-blogger-escaped-above="" data-blogger-escaped-absolute="" data-blogger-escaped-an="" data-blogger-escaped-and="" data-blogger-escaped-appreciate="" data-blogger-escaped-being="" data-blogger-escaped-betch="" data-blogger-escaped-can="" data-blogger-escaped-complete="" data-blogger-escaped-count="" data-blogger-escaped-div="" data-blogger-escaped-emee="" data-blogger-escaped-even="" data-blogger-escaped-everyone="" data-blogger-escaped-hates="" data-blogger-escaped-head="" data-blogger-escaped-i="" data-blogger-escaped-it="" data-blogger-escaped-keep="" data-blogger-escaped-know="" data-blogger-escaped-love="" data-blogger-escaped-m="" data-blogger-escaped-me.="" data-blogger-escaped-my="" data-blogger-escaped-nice="" data-blogger-escaped-not="" data-blogger-escaped-on="" data-blogger-escaped-s="" data-blogger-escaped-score="" data-blogger-escaped-squeezes="" data-blogger-escaped-that="" data-blogger-escaped-through="" data-blogger-escaped-times="" data-blogger-escaped-to="" data-blogger-escaped-water.="" data-blogger-escaped-when="" data-blogger-escaped-you="">

"Maybe I do?"

Anis L

hand in mine

finally this week is OVER. I wanted to update, but there's really nothing interesting, just exams.

So...the past three days in recap:

I woke up at 3am for the past three days to study, which is TEH FREAKING FUN seriouslyyyy ;p I think I'm going to make it like an examination ritual, lol. So on Tuesday, I had Biology an BM Paper 1, which were okay. Biology was not too hard, but nonetheless I still made mistakes :( And and BM karangan I actually had a clue of what I was writing :D

Then on Wednesday, we had freaking Physics and Maths. Physics was THE SUCK. Nuff said :( Maths was okay, and it was objective. Except my mind went totally blank at one point and therefore, I made careless mistakes AGAIN.

But I was determined to make up for my Maths Paper 2, which was on Thursday, along with Agama. And yeah, I think I did fairly good in both those papers :)

Oh and yesterday, when we were waiting for Maths to start, my Maths teacher, Puan Norhuda rushed in through the front door and said,"Okay girls, Maths paper is cancelled. Kertas hilang,". Half the class went "wtf?" and the other half went "woohoo!". We all thought she was being serious. Then about 10 minutes later she asked us to put our bags outside the classroom and everyone went $!%#@##@#@*^?!?!??! Apparently, she was just tricking us and there was Maths after all =.=

And I came home yesterday feeling so tired. I haven't been eating right for the past few days cuz I really had no appetite :( Maybe it's the examinations anxiety, and well, something else too which has been bothering my head. As if I'm not skinny enough. Seriously, I must look like I'm anorexic or bullimic or something. Gah. Can someone tell me how to become fatter? I was telling my mum how I want to join the school cheerleading team next year, what with it being my last year and everything. And she was like, "Oh no, don't even think about it. Hah dahla Adlinur kena sakit kaki, kamu jangan nak tambah lagi masalah ye? Nanti patah tulang patah kaki blablabla siapa yang susah.Besarkan badan tu dulu,", which is like impossible. I. WILL. NEVER. GROW. FAT. END. So I will only be cheerleading for Mcneil. Pfffft.

OMG PMR students, I am SO JEALOUS OF YOU PEOPLE. GRRRR.

I still remember last year, after the last paper, which was Geography, everyone was like cheering and Jaszmin and I ran out of the hall and hugged each other, jumping. The feeling was so exhilarating, I could taste the sweet sensation of freedom :) And post-PMR, there was really nothing to do. TOTAL COOLNESS waaah I miss those days :(

Woo and this Sunday I'm going to Ameera's house for makanmakan yeahhh. Free food :D

And we're planning to go to OU afterwards. Something to look forward to after this gruelling week which has been totally craptastic. I pray for things to get better.

Dear Person I Will Not Name, could you forgive me? I take back my words, I do not hate you, it is really me who has gone mental. Apologies, so umm, friends? :)

My blog sucketh.

"I'm sitting all alone, feeling empty,"

Anis L

grr

Yes, I know I said I won't get online. But I can't help myself, hahah. Besides, I woke up at 3am to study bio which is yeay but I feel so sleepy. My dad made me coffee, Nescafe Gold, thank you Daddy :) Slept at 10pm yesterday. I felt so sleepy when I got back home from school but I forced myself to do some studying. Now it is 4am and I should finish reading everything by 6am.

Yesterday, Accounts was okay. History was blaaahhhh. I never was a big fan of the subject. So many things to remember, eek! And yesterday, while we 4Sc3-ians were studying for History, a bird flew right in and fell smack on the floor. Then, it flew towards Vashti's table and Vashti ran to the back of the class screaming. Neshalane, always the brave one ever since I've known her in Form 1, went and took the bird and released it outside. Why did I bother writing bout that? God knows. And suddenly it rained very heavily when we just started our History paper. Anis Lam, being the very kind person she is (:P) together with Fariza and Mei Fang, went outside and helped to carry all the bags inside. And Puan Rabiah gave us extra 3 minutes to answer the paper. Which I did not even use. But I would say I have done my best :)

And the main reason why I wanted to blog here is that I'm so angry at someone.

saya benci kamu yeahhhhhhhhh.

bencibencibenci!

ihateyouuuuuuuuuu.benciteramatsangattttttt.

you big fat liar. undecided idiot.

i hate youuuuuuuu

soooooooooooo much

>:(

Oops! That was longer than I intended it to be. It is now 4.15 am.

Biology, bye.

"I never wanted to say this,"

Anis L

eww

Am feeling so disgusted. I feel like vomiting :( It's like SICK SICK SICK. And really, I should be telling SOMEONE about it but obviously it will turn into a supermassive huge fight, and I don't want that to happen. As if there isn't enough stuff messing with my head already. But not telling would be WRONG, so WRONG. Why does life have to be so tough? Oh, yeah, cuz it IS life :(

My head is messed up. I'm supposed to study for Sejarah. Only I am freaking not. Been thinking too much lately, about things I shouldn't. But I can't help it. Like yesterday, I texted with Emee til late and I just told her everything and there were also stuff that I didn't even know was actually inside my head. See? I'm a proper mental. And again it's between doing what's right and what I want to do. I don't want it either, but I want it. WTF? And yesterday at bout 1am someone called me using a public phone and asked me if remember him. I was like what who are you? Then he was like Amir from primary. I was like no, I don't remember anyone named Amir from primary. Then he asked me who am I. I was like wtf, you're calling me and you don't know who am I? He was like my friend told me to call you. I was like whattheheck bye and hung up. It has been a long time since I get pestered by unknown people, calling my number and texting me. They must somehow found my number again or something. Maybe some girls love that kind of attention but I DON'T *does death glare*. So people, uhh stop?

Man, I'm like so lame. I don't even have anything interesting to blog about, heh. Now, if this was my diary, I'd write like EVERYTHING here. But because this is the Internet and it is like public, so some stuff cannot be posted here and others have to be edited for privacy and other reasons before they are posted here :) Will try my best to be completely honest here though, lol.

Am going to try my best not to go online anymore for this week. Maybe only on Wednesday will I get back on here. So umm,

Goodbye evil, distracting, root-of-all-evil Internet!

for now x)

"When you go, would you even turn to say, I don't love you like I did yesterday,"

Anis L

pretty people

They are so beautiful they make me cry ;)

Angelina Jolie

She is like so beautiful, need I say more?

Keira Knightley

Look at her cheekbones!

Hayley Williams
Rocker chick? I don't care. Prettiness.

Emily Browning
Her eyes are just mesmerizing.

Well, I'm always thankful to God for the way I am.
But I can't help but to feel jealous of them, in a good way, that is :)


"Take me the way I am,"
Anis L

studystudystudy yawww

I didn't go online at all yesterday, and spent all my time studying :) I am SO proud of myself, hahah. I finished studying accounts, woo! Now I need to study for Bio, Phys, History, Maths and Agama. Why, oh, why did they have to put all those factual subjects in one week?

I was going through some pretty old music collection, and I found nice old stuff. They just don't make those kind of meaningful music anymore do they? Bands like Sixpence None The Richer, the Cranberries, they used to be really big. And I get it, we're supposed to be moving forward, but does moving forward means singing songs about sex, sex and sex? Okay, maybe I'm not the right person to judge what's good music and what's not, considering the stuff I hear are mostly like grungy rockish stuff, but really, it's sickening how most of the songs today lack meaning. Music-wise, it's kinda maybe decent or really good, but the lyrics are totally meaningless. Like, did you know Britney Spears "If U Seek Amy" really means f-*-c-k me? SICK right?

But, ah, like I said, who am I to judge?

"Kiss me beneath the milky twilight,"

Anis L

TGFP

Thank God for PMR for when there is PMR, there is a two-days PMR holiday :D not going back to school until Monday. So in the meantime,need to freaking STUDY arrrghh.

Today was English Paper 1 and Chemistry Paper 1 AND 2 :( My right arm is really hurting from all the writing. I was doing the Directed Writing section and I was worried that I didn't have time to write my Section B essay and so I started with that one first. So I was writing and writing and writing and by the time I finished, there was not enough time to finish up my first one. We were supposed to give two other suggestions of our own other than the points given and and I did not have time to elaborate on my own points :( That pretty much sums it up. And as for Chemistry. Umm. I think I'm going to pass. I hope so. I want my marks to improve compared to my mid-years. I think I can do it? Trying to be optimistic :)

And next week we have Biology, Physics, Accounts, History and Agama.

So umm later :) Going to study,, go me!

"Nobody said it was easy,"

Anis L

I hate myself.

There's no word fit to describe how I feel right now. I feel confused,agitated,annoyed. And the worst part of it all is that I don't even know why :/ this sucks. I can't let myself get distracted. Not because of this, not now.

I feel so angry at myself.
I hate myself for:
1 Being so stupid.
2 Being so vulnerable.
3 Being so miserable.
4 Being so emotional.
5 Being so careless.
6 Caring so much.
7 Being so fragile.
8 Thinking too much.
9 Feeling so ugly.
10 Hating myself
:(

I can go beyond ten reasons, but it's better if I don't. I'm sick in the mind to actually hate myself. I hate myself for hating myself :( Does that make any sense? Fix me, please.

"When I caught myself, I had to stop myself."
Anis L